We made it through the first week.

Dear Katie,
You are napping right now so I thought I would write a quick post. Well you and I both made it through my first week back to work in one piece. In fact, you were pretty much oblivious. I however, missed you all day everyday. I would call MiMi during the day to check on you. She would put you on the phone and you'd babble at me, which made me happy and sad all at the same time.

In a way I feel better now that I'm back at work. It has provided me a sense of normalcy, and it's helping us get you into some kind of a routine. I'm actually sleepig more than I was because daddy has been taking the first night shift with you (From 9pm-2:30) and there has actually been two nights this week that he took the entire night shift! So mommy got like 7-8 hours of sleep! Holy cow! :) As much as I miss you, being back at work is for the moment making me calmer because I know that your daddy and I will be able to provide for you. So there is a sense of pride in what I'm doing that I didn't have before. I also appreciate our nightly wake ups together a lot more than before. Since I don't see you all day, I kind of enjoy our little feeding times together- and snuggling you until you fall back to sleep. Also because I know this is not the job I will have forever, at least for the moment, I'm less stressed about it because I just don't care as much. But I do miss you like crazy. You are growing so fast. I don't want to miss out. You mean the world to me! You've started smiling a lot this week, so that's been a blast to talk to you and have you look up at me with the biggest most beautiful toothless smile. You my dear are gonna be a knock out when you get older. :)

Daddy and I picked up a new toy for you this weekend (Something that my going back to work has allowed us to do). It sings at you, and you love it! When we press the button to make noise, you wiggle and smile and lock eyes with the toy. The best part is, daddy and I enjoy playing with it almost as much as you do! Everytime you press the button it plays a note. Depending on how fast you press it, that affects how fast or slow the song is. Yours sings "Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone" which we thought was pretty appropriate in our house. :)

Anyway, I guess the point of this letter was to let you know that daddy and I are working hard for you. And that you did great with MiMi all week. I still wish that I could be the one with you, but I know when you are older and have your own babies that you will also understand my desire to provide for you.

You are starting to wake up so I guess I will go for now.

I love you with all my heart baby girl,
Momma

Sometimes being an adult is so hard.

My Dearest Katie,
On February 6th, 2010 my life changed forever when we found out you were on your way. Our dream came to fruition when you arrived on this earth September 24th, 2010 at 1:51pm. At 7lbs 6oz and 19 inches long, we were relieved to find out that you were healthy despite coming into the world almost 4 weeks early. It was a long road to get you here healthy and happy, but one I would not change. I developed issues with my blood pressure early on (even if the doctors didn't notice until much later) and in the end was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. As a result I spent the last several weeks of your time in the belly on bed rest at home. Up until that point both your daddy and I worked very hard to save money to buy the things you needed. We did our best to prepare.
Speaking of your daddy, you should know what a hard working, amazing and caring man he is and how much he loves you. Half way through the pregnancy daddy started working 60-70 hour work weeks to help us get extra money fast. Daddy is still working long weeks so that we can get debt paid off and so that at some point mommy can stay home with you.
I want you to know how badly mommy wanted to be home with you. At first it took a lot of getting used to. I'd never been a mommy before and it was pretty overwhelming, but as time went on you grew into this little person with her own little personality. You are continuing to change each day, but I want you to know how much I enjoy your company. You are a sweet and wonderful baby girl. We are so thrilled and honored to be your parents.
Right now you are nearly 7 weeks old. Sometimes it seems the days stretch and blur together, other times I am shocked that you are nearly 2 months old. I want to soak up every moment I can with you because I know that these moments are so short before you are grown.
I have been struggling for the last week with deciding if I should go back to work. Daddy and I did the math tonight and it is looking like at least for a little while I will have to go back to work full time to help cover the bills. It makes my heart ache to think of being away from you for so long. You are changing so much every day, and I don't want to miss an instant. But sometimes, being an adult is very hard and you have to do things you don't want to do. Please know if I had it my way I would never leave your side. But as it is, it looks like I'm going to have to leave you for 40 hours a week, just until daddy and I can pay a couple of bills off. I want you to know that we are doing this for you, and for your future. We don't want you to remember a time where we had to struggle. While there are people who struggle far more than we do, we want to make sure that going forward we can provide you all the things you need and a lot of what you want.
You are so very loved. This is going to be very hard for me. I will be looking to you for my strength. You are who I live and breath for now. I do not want to leave you, but if I have to please know that I will thinking of you every minute, and working very hard to be back with you as soon as I can. All your daddy and I want for you is to be happy and healthy. This is our journey as a family.

We love you sweet baby girl,
love Mommy.